Coral: Free, Unburdened and Light!

 

Something had snapped inside her that night,
She had loved him beyond limits, beyond boundaries, beyond her fears;
When years ago, he told her, she was not what he wished for
She had gracefully let him leave…
She had agreed to be his friend, albeit hurting inside!
She had relented! FRIEND it is then!!!
 
BUT something had broken inside her that night
And now she did not want him as her friend either
No relation no attachment no bond … nothing – zilch!
In a snap her soul had detached from the need…
To at least be his friend!
That night – dreadful, unnerving, heart-wrenching
She just wanted her friend in that moment,
He denied her his friendship and
She did not have it her any more
To be connected to him even as an acquaintance
Let alone, in a bond of friendship!
 
Had Frewyn been with her…
She would need nobody!
Alas! He was no more, gone too far
And here she was … alone, bereft, and empty
Grieving her loss; she had just wanted to talk
Get it off her chest ….
But was shunned away brutally.
 
Her love, for her ‘now’ friend, died a harsh death
A hardly visible thread of friendship
she had held on to,
Finally snapped! Burnt to ashes!
His coldness that night
Was the last nail in the coffin
The resin had finally spread…
On the part of her heart which,
Once was reserved for him!
That was the last she saw of him
Or heard of him to say the least
Surprisingly! She felt free, unburdened and light!
 
- M. B. 

Coral: Pursuit for Eternal Love

It was decided…

She would not be a second fiddle to anyone 

She wanted to break free 

Live, love, laugh, and lose her way

On her journey … To find herself!

Loving him senseless had costed her too much 

And she wanted it all back. 

Trapped in a dreary crevice of her wayward emotions 

She did not know what to feel, what to want! 

Loving him beyond the realms of rationality and sanity 

Robbed her of remaining confidence, 

Her self-respect, her honour…

And now she did not know which way she could take 

Life, pouring scorn on her at every step of the way 

Ridiculing her on the foolhardiness, thoughtlessness and 

Sheer brashness towards herself! 

Her foolishness glaring right back at her…

Robbing her off her remaining sanity and semblance 

She indeed was a dimwit, a buffoon of course 

Who in the sane mind would repeat their follies over and over?

And there she was, committing the same mistakes 

Miscalculated and misunderstood, flooded with naivety 

To the point of dumbness – there she was …

Her heart, mind, body, and soul all empty once again! 

But she’d decided ….. this is it!

She would not be a second fiddle to anyone… 

Nope! Not anymore… and she walked away towards her quest…

Will she be able to get the love, she so desperately looks for?

Will she ever stop being so gullible and vulnerable in her pursuit …?

Pursuit for eternal love and live her life at her terms?

Coral: Finally ... She was free!

Tired, gutted, and alone….

That is what she felt today!

She felt like she had been thrown

Thrown into a cauldron of bruising emotions

It felt as though these emotions were choking her

Strangling her, making her lose her breath

Making her struggle for each gasp for air

 

She wanted release

Release…. From the clutches of these emotions

So conflicting, so suffocating, gagging her

Pulling her closer to death!

 

She was happy ….

Happy to embrace death

Finally, she could be relieved

Relieved from this cursed life she was living

Happy to have reached her threshold

She just wanted to succumb…

To the comfort of the cold embrace

The angels of mercy would bestow her with…

She was happy …..

Exhaustion, desolation, and loneliness

Overpowering her today!

She was happy, she was finally going to be free

 

                                - M.B. 

Beauty of Darkness

Darkness! That people are so scared of, is the most beautiful to me

. 

Absence of which, makes you loose focus, 

and devalue the richness of light, of colour, of brightness! 

Darkness is the essence of being... 

The Divine formulated everything around you that way.... 

Darkness makes the stars, moon and celestial bodies enchanting, bedazzling and dreamlike! 

Embrace your darkness to brighten your inner light.... 

Love yourself for who YOU ARE 

'I AM' Magical

P.S.: the image was too beautiful and perfect, however, it remains the property of its owner. I hold no rights towards it.

Coral: Dreams ... Woven underneath the lashes

A carnation touched the rose 

Attracting butterflies all around

Turning everything to dust 

Blending into each other 

For the rest of Eternity

Dreams ..... Woven underneath the lashes,

Wanting nothing but
Unwavering devotion, passion and obsession...
Undying, unconditional and irrevocable love
Dreams or Reality... Yet to unfold!

P.S.: the background image remains the property of the owner. No copyright infringement intended.

                                        - M. B.

Coral: The Mask ...Again!

 

He’d barged into her house the same night
Without a second thought... jerking her by gripping her arm   
He pulled her up from her crouched position
He knew she was hurt, was aching and lamenting
Crying over what she had done
but nothing could stop him today
he was furious, at her, for being reckless
at himself, for not being able to stop her
 
His rage taking over his senses
he slapped her right across her face
“What the hell were you thinking, Coral?
What made you cross the boundaries,
you had set for yourself?”
He looked at her tear-stricken,
hurt and broken stance
He sighed and pulled her to him
Hugging her, lending her support
For he knew, he understood her
He knew her too well to know the reason
she’d let him kiss her, touch her, feel her
He also knew that she would have never
………. Never ever broken the last cord
He knew it would break her completely
 
Still in his hold…...
“What did he say?” she choked
Her BFF he was, he loosened his hold on her
Looking down at her incredulously,
He stared at her in disbelief….
“you knew he was going to brag about it!?”
It came out more like a statement than a question.
He could not understand, why she had let him….
 
“I was hoping… wishing, that maybe
just maybe, he would love me the way I do
just maybe, he will not leave me if I ……. “
She had answered his unspoken question
lingering in his eyes.
 
She looked up at him,
squeezing his heart in his chest
with the naked hurt and misery on her face
her blood shot eyes lined with unshed tears
He could just not see his friend breaking like this
She had loved him too much, truly madly deeply
and he was a witness to the extent of her madness
 
He knew she would mask it all once the sun was up
But right now, he had to fix her,
gather the broken pieces for her fragile heart
 
He held her face gently between his palms
pulled it up so that he could see her
“you do know right?
he is never ever going to be with you!?
you are an experience for him,
you do realise, don’t you? he cooed softly
He talked to her as a father would talk to his child
She was his precious and he would do anything
just anything to make sure she stays happy and smiling
 
“Look at me” he whispered,
“You didn’t do what he is bragging about, right?”
Epiphany it was ……. she jerked up as if hit by tornado,
a whirlwind of emotions hitting her hard
her eyes filled with apprehension trepidation dread
and foreboding of the impending storm
which was all set to hit her brutally …………
she nodded her head left to right and right to left
She could not hold it anymore
her lungs released the air she was holding with a whoosh
her face burning red with anger at herself
for letting her guard down
She bit her lip trying to swallow
the scream ready to erupt from her mouth
She knew it well……… she was a ‘time pass’ for him
Her double-crossing heart betraying her
She grabbed the breaking thread of hope
a few ‘maybes’ and few ‘what ifs’ lingering in her head
trying on the garb of optimism,
she’d walked that extra mile for her love
 
He knew she needed to cry and let it out
He could not let her once again crawl back
into the pit of darkness of self-loathe, and self-harm!
He held her close to him and let her sob
let her anguish flow away with her tears
They sat for God knows how long
He let her go, knowing she had calmed down
 
what he saw left him stupefied
The MASK was on ……… AGAIN
it didn’t take her anytime to be her
ABNORMAL SELF!!!
She looked at him with a bright smile
and said “Chill handsome, shit happens!!
and you know my life is exclusive……. I AM FINE”
And he knew she WASN’T!!!!!!!

                                                - M. B.

Coral: Clipped Wings

He saw her battered bruised burnt arm
His eyes lined wet ….. he looked at her
 
Laughing, hi-fiving like a maniac
at some gobbledygook by her so-called group
He stared at her feeling her pain
which she successfully hid from the rest
 
He was her BFF after all
He could see through her façade
the pretence that she put up for the world
Her self-created wall of sedimented agony
Painted with psychedelic colourful graffiti
And hard as a rock sparkling like a diamond
She did it all with finesse …… all tactfully
 
He sat her down in the living room of his country home
“Let it all out my sweetheart, let it out” he mumbled softly
She stared at him unblinking unmoving
Knowing well, there was no need of the charade
That she could let her guard down
 
Her jaw ticked, the nerves on her forehead prominent
Her eyes bloodshot with sheer pain and agony
Her face flushed with extreme anger and frustration
Her knuckles white and migraine hitting full force
She let out an agonised scream
Pulling her hair with both her hands
Monstrous vexation fury resentment
coursing through her veins
 
She sobbed howled wailed lamenting over her fate
He let her …. Let her vent it all out
He slowly moved gathering her broken form in his arms
Providing the much-needed warmth and affection, he sat
For God knows for how long
 
“Why? Why do they treat me that way?
Why do they taint my soul and tarnish my character,
when they know nothing of me?” her words a mere whisper
She looked up at him still caged in his arms
Her eyes painted with a surreal pain anguish and torment
“They don’t deserve your tears princess.
Don’t waste these precious on worthless ‘friends’.
You will someday find the one who will love you for YOU”
He held her tight until her eyes drooped
with exhaustion and tiredness
He looked at her sleeping form
Hoping and wishing she finds her peace
That she finds her Knight in Shining Armour
Who will relieve her soothe her and give her the wings
she needs to fly…………. soon!
                                                                - M.B.

Coral: In the Pursuit of Peace Tranquillity and Love

Taking hold of No.18 Tapestry needle
She held it on the stove
Burning it blazing flaming and fiery
Making it glow bright red smoking hot
Satisfied with what she saw and what she needed
Staring at the fiery needle in her hand
Her eyes passive, icy cold and unfeeling

Without a second thought
She pressed the burning steel on her arm
Her skin cooked charred and sizzling
Now with a pink-brown blister
Not a flinch, not a sound, not a twitch
And she completed her punishment

Her punishment for being humiliated
For being called names,
For not standing up for herself,
Her insides on fire with uncontrolled rage
A frenzied fury eating her soul
Muddling with her sanity
Yet, she stayed mute ....
Not retaliating ....
Leaving the scores unsettled

All of it transforming her being
Into a sadistic, brutal and vicious empty vessel
Inflicting self-harm, hanging on a thin thread
Between sanity and insanity
Trying to fight her inner battle ......... all of it ...

In the pursuit of peace tranquillity and love
Oh Coral ........ My Coral ........

P.S: PTSD and depression - Two major disorders that go unnoticed and un-diagnosed!

Was this the case with Coral? Or was she trying to do something else, which she didn’t have it in her to get through?
Well, whatever the case ......... enjoy the teaser for now xxoo

                                                                  -M.B.

Coral: Aggression - Her WEAPON; Offence - Her DEFENCE

 

“mum he is a ‘bad boy’,
He hurts me” whispered Coral
“Coral, you are a naughty girl” mum yelled back
 
Nothing said nothing heard hereafter
Her little heart twisting with sheer agony
Too much burden for an eight-year-old
The little girl just looked at her mother in the eye
Pain hurt uncertainty insecurity
Most prominently fear
Pouring from the beady chocolate eyes
She looked yet again hoping against hope
Trying to find support
Any kind of foothold
Any empathy any warmth
 
Supressing the trauma hiding the anguish
Wiping the tears with the back of her petite hand
Little Coral walked out withholding
The heartache the grief the stinging bitterness
All to herself……….. What an affirmation ….
She was YET AGAIN UNWANTED
 
She the little fighter ………. a tigress
That moment ………. And it was decided
She will fight back defend herself
She will not cry and wallow in her own sorrow
She will not fear cringe in a corner or panic
 
 
“AGGRESSION BECAME HER WEAPON
OFFENCE BECAME HER DEFENCE”
                                                                                        

                                                                                    - M.B.

Coral: Grans was right - I AM UNWANTED

 


She ran as fast as her little feet could
Tears running down her chubby cheeks
Her little mind struggling to understand what she was told
 
Reaching the kitchen
She rushed to her mum
Clutching her mum’s leg in her tiny arms
She looked up with her beady bloodshot chocolate brown orbs
Her innocent gaze meeting her mum’s annoyed one
Her tear-stricken face, her pained eyes telling a story of its own
 
Raising her brow, the mum encouraged
For her to say something ……anything
No words uttered no pain expressed
Little Coral just looked trying to make sense
Of what she was told
 
Busy in her own world, the mum said
“Stay off, go and play dear”
Coral looked up again
To see to look to feel for any affection any love any care
Her little mind conjuring and inferring its own conclusions
“YES, GRANS WAS RIGHT…… I AM UNWATED”
 
The seed of pain angst self-doubt self-loathe
Sown deep in her little fragile heart
Too heavy a burden to carry at 4
Yet the little fighter fought ……
Yet her little heart held on to hope
Hope ……… one day SHE WILL BE WANTED 
Hope ……… one day she would have the one who wants her……
Only Time will tell ……… Will she ever find THE ONE??? 

ONLY TIME WILL TELL

                                                                                                                                - M. B. 

Coral: An Abyss - A Chaos of Darkness

 


Drowning into the primal chaos of darkness 
An ABYSS - Unfathomable immeasurable
Suffocating and choking
Introducing her to the Grim-Reaper  
Trying to hold on and not give up

Climb back to the top
Curling up in a foetal position
Trying to save herself
The hurt the pain the angst the torment
Buried in cold-sweat quivering lips
Flickering eyelids weighing down with dread
“no baby let me have fun”
“you are my toy just like the doll is yours”
“you are not wanted by anyone”
“let me enjoy, I want you”
The voices echoed in her ears
She sobbed “stop! Please stop” she screamed
Sweating shivering cowering begging for mercy
He didn’t show her any…….
“STOP ……. PLEASE STOP……..DO NOT TOUCH ME”
She woke up her eyes wide open ……
Terror and dismay reflecting in innocent beady chocolate eyes
She looked around …….. darkness of the night all around
Her bed wet with her sweat and bladder discharge
At seven the nightmare the fear the bedwetting had become her constants
Is this going to be her …….Or will she fight her demons?

                                                                                                    

                                                                                                    - M. B. 

Coral: Communion of Souls

 

SHE WAS A QUEEN ...

RISEN FROM THE ASHES, IN SEARCH OF HER KING............

She was like a stubborn child
She wanted it all or nothing at all
She wanted her love
She wanted it at her terms
 
Filled with Madness Passionate Insane Insatiable Unconditional
Such was the love she craved for
Heated gazes seducing her reducing her
Scintillating touches creating a havoc inside
Turning her knees weak
 
Holding her with raw passion yet handling her like a china doll
Pushing her on the wall with his knee between her thighs 
Giving her mind-numbing toe-curling kisses
Leaving her all hot wet and wanting for more
 
A beast a dominant having his way with her
Raw and rough yet passionate and loving
Mediocre Love was not her cup of tea
She NEEDED AN ABSOLUTE COMMUNION OF SOULS
All-consuming, limitless, wild and extraordinary
Was there a love like that possible?....that
she was longing for!
 
Did She get what she was looking for …………
                                                                - M. B.

Coral: Synopsis

She was Coral – Just like her name, she served her loved ones

She was told she isn’t wanted

Yet she was wanted

They told her she is the lucky charm

Yet not cared for….. Yet not cherished

She loved him dearly

To the moon and back

Yet he dropped her

Yet again unwanted

He said – I cannot love

Yet she enveloped him in her wings of love

He clipped her wings ruthlessly

Yet again unwanted – she let him go

She bled she cried wallowed in her sorrow

She hung on to her anchor

She came out a winner

Gathered the remains of her wings

She tried yet one more time

One more time to fly

Under the warmth of love

She thought he was her Knight

He pulled the earth beneath her feet

Yet again unwanted

How wrong was she

She isn’t born to have a Knight

She was destined to be a CORAL

Not to be Loved …… Only Used

And yet again ………. Yet again remain UNWANTED

Her treacherous heart refuses to give up

The blood pumping organ remains adamant

Telling her she is special

That she would have her knight in shining armour

That ONE DAY SHE WILL HAVE HER HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

Coral

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Coral - A Story Yet to Begin

A story of a girl and her struggles to survival!

This is a story of a girl named Coral. It is about her life, her pain, her struggles, her fight against the cruel world, her longing for true unconditional love! 

It is a story that is very close to my heart, holds a lot of importance in my life. This girl is very close to my heart. I wouldn't say it is a complete biopic or a piece of fiction, however, it's based on real life events of an individual. I have changed the names of the characters, events and places to maintain the ambiguity of the characters. 

I hope I am able to do justice to the story of  her life!!

P.S: The background picture is the property of its owner, I hold no rights towards the same.

Fashion: A personally enthralling field of study!

Fashion - a simple expression, comes from a Latin word ‘Facere’ which means ‘to make’. ‘Fashion’ provides an impetus between the craftsmanship & the Laws of Design. But is it as simple as it sounds? Chronologically a lot of people have come up with their own views and definitions about Fashion.
“Fashion is architecture. It is a matter of proportions.”
Coco Chanel
“Fashion anticipates, and elegance is a state of mind ... a mirror of the time in which we live, a translation of the future, and should never be static.”
Oleg Cassini
“Fashion is more usually a gentle progression of revisited ideas.”
Bruce Oldfield
“Fashion is something barbarous, for it produces innovation without reason and imitation without benefit.”
George Santayana
“Fashion is the science of appearances, and it inspires one with the desire to seem rather than to be.”
Edwin Hubbel

Fashion, as I understand is a way of non-garrulous expression of one’s way of life. The term Fashion is a relatively new word, which came into existence not farther than the 11th to 13th century, today is used to describe the frenzy of pure glamour. Fashion or dress (in simpler terms) has always been a key to understanding people’s culture, their way of life, their socioeconomic structure and their cross-cultural influences. Today Fashion as we all know, has become the scientific art of learning to combine colour, form, pattern and texture for the crowning effect that is just right for the time, place and the user. Is this a mere façade of the razzle-dazzle or is it that the reality is far from glamour? Let’s try and probe into some of the reasons to know and understand the bewitching entrée of Fashion in today’s lifestyle.
From the beginning of time man has had several motives behind clothes and aesthetics. So did man term these motives as Fashion? Well, first have a look at the motives behind aesthetics and clothing!

1. Decoration: Among primitive peoples bedecking the body seems to be the chief motive for dress. Some tribes used to and still paint their bodies or tattoo themselves to enhance their own physical attractiveness. Consciously or unconsciously people are first interested in enhancing the attractiveness of their body, and then gradually develop a sense of style or fashion for their own sake. In the words of a psychologist, human beings sublimate or transfer their crude exhibitionistic urges to clothes.
The primitive man used adornment as a tool for both beautification/decoration, and body modification/deformation dates back thousands of years. Although body modification was routinely practiced in the ancient Pre-Columbian and Indus Valley cultures, this type of beautification is still in practice today in Africa, South America, Southeast Asia, and even within sub-cultures in western societies. In many primitive cultures, jewellery, body ornamentation and body modification has been used to exaggerate sexual dimorphism, accentuating the systematic differences between the sexes.

WAS THE TERM FASHION UNDERSTOOD THEN??

To be continued....



Pictures taken from: http://rspas.anu.edu.au/people/personal/dougb_ssgm/

Colour - A form of expression or mere perception?

In the expanse of aesthetics, are general conventions and theories of colour for the artist and the masses on the whole, or is this au courant admiration of colours governed exclusively by subjective opinion? Colour to me, has always been a subject of bedazzlement. It has always intrigued me with its assortment of expressions! Colour – an anomaly in expression and perception is not merely an objective constituent or an attribute of a substance. Colour is an idiosyncrasy of vision. It acts as a stimulus for the eyes in acquiring the interpretive response of the brain to wavelength characteristics of light above a certain brightness level. Colour is a sensation and not a substance! The theory of colour has undergone drastic changes over a period of time and now it’s an accepted fact that colour is in the eyes of the beholder. Different people see and perceive colours differently. For some, magenta is “bishop’s purple” or “an amethyst” or a “heliotrope” or simply "fuchsia" depending on the external factor (light) or how they perceive it. Having said this, colours are also capable of creating illusions and perfect camouflage for various functions. Hence a lot of Fashion stylists and designers tend to manipulate to cover the extras of those charming Mademoiselles out there. Let’s take a sneak peak into how colours can be helpful in slenderising ones figure! We all know that some colours tend to advance and some recede, therefore creating a make-believe delusion of bulky or petite silhouettes. The three attributes of colours – Hue, Value and Intensity are of importance when using colours to slenderise a human silhouette. Hue is the actual name of a colour. Some colours, like red, yellow and orange, seem to project a feeling of warmth. Warm colours are advancing. They tend to make you appear closer and increase your apparent body size. Colours like blue, green and purple, seem to project a cool feeling. They tend to recede and decrease your apparent body size. Value is the lightness or darkness of a colour. Light attracts the eye, therefore, lighter coloured garments will cause the wearer to appear larger than medium to dark shades of a colour. Intensity is the range of colour from bright to dull. When wearing garments of intense colours the wearer will seem to appear larger. To appear smaller choose a cool colour in a medium value and a less intense colour for large areas of your clothing. However, if you want to use warm colours in your wardrobe, select shades of warm hues instead of intense values. (example: Select rust instead of orange; maroon instead of pink.) If you like bright warm colours, use them as accents at the neckline or in your accessories. You might select a scarf or pin or collar which is emphasized because it contrasts with the different value and intensity of your outfit. If Red is your favourite colour, select a red blouse that will be worn under a grey or navy suit. The red around your face will keep the focus on your face rather than your not-so-perfect figure. One-color outfits are generally slimming. When wearing two shades in one outfit, select with care. Use the darker shade in the area you want to de-emphasize. The lighter shade can be used to balance the larger areas.